Project 214

Good evening and welcome to Radio Gateway.

The news, on October 1st, 2008(*).
This week will be remembered as the "Window Envelope Famine of 2008".

There are unconfirmed reports of a black market flourishing on floor 6, with one foreign employee cannily organising a black market based on sealed bids.

In the meantime there are still no operational telephones in the building, all database systems are on yellow alert and the bosses are away.

All employees are invited to make their way down to the Balldorf Pub for a liquid lunch.

Two bread tokens from your rations book can be redeemed for a Ploughman's and a pint of Domestic Ale.

Good night.

(This deserves a sort of Radio Maquis/wartime delivery)

Saturday, September 27

How's this for an unusual find: a good meme.

By way of the Counagoans, a meme asking "Where were you"?:

Princess Diana's Death—31st August 1997
I had gone home to see the parents after a sailing holiday in Greece and stayed out very late getting very drunk with a friend because I needed to discuss a very messy relationship.
(pronounce the Italics like a 21-year old would)
I would love to say that because of that I came home and put the telly on, but the truth is I woke up to the news the following day.

Margaret Thatcher's Resignation—22nd November 1990
In school, although I read all about it a week later, when I picked up the copy of Melody Maker that misteriously made its way to the local railway station (that's also how I learnt English in case you're wondering).

Attack on the Twin Towers—11th September 2001
I was an an editorial meeting for a magazine that was so short-lived you can't even Google it.
A colleague from another title walked into the meeting to tell us about the first plane, and we told him to take his bad jokes elsewhere.
Then news came through of the second plane and the whole office congregated around the only radio we had, with some hand holding and hugs.
I also remember wondering for a second whether aliens really existed, and another colleague singing The Dickies' Stukas Over Disneyland very loud in the corridor (this was after all a great place to work).

England's World Cup Semi-Final against Germany—4th July 1990
Somewhere in Italy, don't really remember much more than that.

President Kennedy's Assassination—22nd November 1963
I was nothing but a twinkle in my mummy and daddy's eye, as they say.

The Death of Franco—20th November 1975
I was three weeks old, so I guess I was either eating or sleeping.

Spain wins the European Footie Championships—29th June 2008
I was watching something else on the box, probably something we recorded like The Wire or Damages.

I would like to nominate my sister for this one.

Friday, August 29

Postcards from the edge - Courtesy of being unable to post from work

Hello!

I am sitting at my desk in a slight coma - I woke up at 4.45 this morning to take Giorgia to the airport and by the time I got back home it was time to shower and get to work. Not good.

Volunteering at the Firemen games was a great experience.
Most of them were amazingly kind and generous people. I have done a lot of "customer facing" roles in the past and I have never seen anybody being so grateful for the help they receive. The fact that you couldn't move for fit men was just an added bonus.
I got pins and badges from different fire brigades around the world and I managed to swap one of my Games Staff t-shirts for a "Sapeurs Pompiers Du Calvados" (which is in Normandie as I am sure you know) t-shirt that was given to me for someone whom I helped with their paperwork.
That was my spare Staff uniform t-shirt and I hope they don't ask for it when I'm in again on Sunday. Need to think of a story if they do.

I also helped four guys who had come from my Mum's hometown to run the Marathon, including the gold medal winner from the 2006 Games in Hong Kong in the Masters category (50 to 60 years old). He was a great guy and I was a little disappointed that he didn't win anything. I suppose he runs better in humid hot weather than in Scouseland.

There were also about 200 competitors from Venezuela, which strikes me as odd as it's not round the corner and I am sure it's not cheap for them to fly over here. Although perhaps Chavez's very own brand of socialism includes subsidising the Venezuelan team at the Firefighter Games (that wouldn't surprise me).

The only rude people were some of the I-ties. I help them register and helped out one of their events and I can't really say gratitude was forthcoming.

They were also the only firefighters I saw in my whole life (and by now I have seen a few hundreds) who had funky hairstyles, which were definitely against all Health and Safety. Some of them weren't even firemen - one of them worked selling cheese. Cheats!!
Then again am I surprised?

After the Rugby on wednesday I took Giorgia to the Albert Dock and the two Cathedrals, and I saw some more Lamb Bananas, luckily as this is their last week. There was one near one of the universities that was modelled on that famous picture of John Lennon in the white suit with the longish hair and the glasses - brilliant! I need to find a picture and post it here (we were on the bus so couldn't take one).

In other news, more boring stuff about mortgages and DIY, which we will not delve into.

Wednesday, August 20

Che la terra ti sia lieve

LeRoi Moore, the versatile saxophonist whose signature staccato fused jazz and funk overtones onto the eclectic sound of the Dave Matthews Band, died Tuesday of complications from injuries he suffered in an all-terrain vehicle accident, the band said. He was 46.

Monday, August 11

And thank Goodness they didn't survey Italy for this article

"Indeed, the Bicycle Helmet Research Foundation estimates that the average cyclist would have to pedal the roads for more than 3,000 years to suffer a serious head injury, let alone one that would be mitigated by a cycle helmet"

A deliciously summery piece from the Guardian: attitudes towards cycling helmets in the UK and elsewhere.

As it happens, nine times out of ten you will find me wearing a helmet when cycling.
It's partly due to the fact that I can't get used to how, as the article points out:

"in Britain we tend not to ride the sit-up-and-beg bicycles common in Holland [and in Italy]; we ride mountain bikes and racing cycles that, you might well think, facilitate aggressive cycling."

And indeed I might be scared by cars and vans, but I am much more scared by the whole Bear Grylls/Rambo attitude displayed by (so called) fellow cyclists here in the UK.
And indeed, I also stop at nine red lights out of ten.

I appreciate how here most readers will point out that Italian cyclists might have a more leisurely pace, but Italian drivers certainly don't (and don't get them started about red lights!). I am fully aware of it. That is probably the reason why in Italy hardly anyone looks back once they have crossed the line between being a cyclist and being a driver.

I would also like to point out that I am a recent convert: when I first visited the UK I found the sight of cyclists wearing helmets absolutely hilarious, as most Italians do.

But then we also laugh out loud at drivers using the handbrake at red lights, elaborate coffee-based concoctions with improbable names (Anyone fancy a Crappuccino?) and laws that try to stop conflict of interest.

Monday, July 28

He's meeting confirmed bachelors in hotel foyers

The current "Ken Barlow - good with colours" Corrie storyline is a gem, up there with the best Feydeau.
Today's first episode featured Ken explaining Armistead Maupin had me jumping on the sofa, and I literally hit the roof when Blanche did her Angela Lansbury bit.
Long may it continue!

Thursday, July 24

Tougher than tough and prouder than proud

Monday, June 30

In the words of the great poet Bucks Fizz

This is Metrolink's website this morning around 10:30am.
On behalf of all the passengers affected by the disruption to the services this morning, can I please ask that they make their effing mind up?.
Cheers.

Thursday, June 19

We're young and getting old before our time.

I'm writing this from Manchester's Bridgewater Hall, where I'm waiting to see Joe Jackson.
The depressing thing is that the only audience members who are younger than me are here with their parents.

Monday, June 16

And then the clocks started melting

Saturday afternoon, a restaurant in Manchester city centre.
Italian girl walks in and joins two girls at a table.

Friend 1 (former housemate): Stefania, have you heard of Leonard Cohen?
Stefania: Er, yes...
Friend 2 (manager of the establishment): Because he's having his aftershow party here on Tuesday and I have no idea who he is but...

(Rest of the conversation is a bit of a blur, what with me wondering how the surrealism content in my life is always on the up)

Wednesday, June 11

As cool as they're brainy.

This is now a few months old, but that's exactly the reason why I'm insisting on it - I wouldn't want to explosive comic value of it to be forgotten.
Then, if only Camelot would launch a spelling scratchcard I would be a very happy bunny indeed.

'Cool Cash' card confusion
Ciara Leeming, Manchester Evening News, 3/11/2007

A LOTTERY scratchcard has been withdrawn from sale by Camelot - because players couldn't understand it.

The Cool Cash game - launched on Monday - was taken out of shops yesterday after some players failed to grasp whether or not they had won.

To qualify for a prize, users had to scratch away a window to reveal a temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. As the game had a winter theme, the temperature was usually below freezing.

But the concept of comparing negative numbers proved too difficult for some Camelot received dozens of complaints on the first day from players who could not understand how, for example, -5 is higher than -6.

Tina Farrell, from Levenshulme, called Camelot after failing to win with several cards.

The 23-year-old, who said she had left school without a maths GCSE, said: "On one of my cards it said I had to find temperatures lower than -8. The numbers I uncovered were -6 and -7 so I thought I had won, and so did the woman in the shop. But when she scanned the card the machine said I hadn't.

"I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is higher - not lower - than -8 but I'm not having it.

"I think Camelot are giving people the wrong impression - the card doesn't say to look for a colder or warmer temperature, it says to look for a higher or lower number. Six is a lower number than 8. Imagine how many people have been misled."

Read the full article on the MEN website.

Project 214

Tuesday, April 7

Italy Earthquake Abruzzo Terremoto: how to help

Sunday, October 19

And I thought I was good at spite.

Friday, October 10

Always worth remembering

Wednesday, October 1

Such is life in the Pub*ic Service